You made this town what it is, after all. Wasn't nothin' but a bunch of dust and rocks before you got here.
~ Slick's Narration


Spades Slick, formerly Jack Noir, is the notorious leader of the Midnight Crew, and the former archagent of Derse in the Troll's session. Following his betrayal of the Black Queen and subsequent exile to Alternia, he eventually re-established society with his allies and came into conflict with the Felt, taking on the name of Spades Slick to spite his old nemesis. He is the protagonist of Homestuck's first intermission.

Powers and Stats

Tier: 9-A | At least 9-A | Likely at least High 4-C

Name: Spades Slick, the Scurrilous Straggler. Real name is Jack Noir.

Origin: Homestuck

Age: Unknown

Gender: Male

Classification: Dersite Exile / Cyborg

Powers and Abilities: Superhuman strength, speed and durability, Ridiculous proficiency in the use of small bladed weapons, Can flip his sprite, Flight in his final cyborg body, Can negate any Time-based powers with Crowbar's crowbar, Can travel to an alternate timeline in which certain people are dead with Die's voodoo doll, Presumable time, space, and matter manipulation via Lord English's Green Sun Cane

Attack Potency: Small Building level (Easily killed various low to mid level monsters in Sgrub) | At least Small Building level (Should be superior to his normal self). | Likely at least Large Star level (Fought with Jack English, Dave, and Dirk, Able to shoot Dirk to death in one of the alternate possible timelines that Dave and Terezi viewed)

Speed: At least Superhuman | At least Superhuman | Massively FTL+ (Flew from the Furthest Ring to the Incipisphere in a matter of hours and kept up with God Tiers)

Lifting Strength: Unknown

Striking Strength: Small Building Class | At least Small Building Class | Likely Large Star Class

Durability: Small Building level | At least Small Building level (Survived an incredibly casual beatdown from Doc Scratch) | Likely at least Large Star level

Stamina: Superhuman.

Range: Extended melee range.

Standard Equipment: An absurd amount of weapons, including multiple knives, a sword, and the Cast Iron Horse Hitcher. Later acquires Crowbar's crowbar, Die's voodoo doll, and Lord English's Green Sun Cane, granting him access to the entirety of the Felt.

Intelligence: High, though marred by his short-temper and destructive nature. When properly motivated and calm, Slick is capable of pulling off complex plans.

Weaknesses: Slick is impatient, short-tempered, and needlessly destructive.

Key: Base | First Cyborg Body | Second Cyborg Body

Note: Base Slick surviving the destruction of the Alternian universe is generally acknowledged as PIS, both in and out of the story. He literally only survived due to the author's intervention.


Notable Victories:

Notable Losses:

Inconclusive Matches: